I Want To, Not Cuz I Have To...

Falling in love is easy. Being in love is a whole different matter. I've been through some rather messed up relationships with women. Now this would probably make me an "experienced" man right? WRONG! Love is such a complex matter. It's not difficult, but it is complex. Til now, I'm still learning how to love. Love my family, love my friends, love that special person. 

1 Corinthians 13: 4-7 states:

"Love is patient, love is kind. It is not jealous, [love] is not pompous, it is not inflated, it is not rude, it is not quick-tempered, it does not brood over injury, it does not rejoice over wrongdoing but rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things."

This verse has always been my foundation for love. Cause this is how God loves us. Cause He chooses to, not because He has to. He does not have to love us. He chooses to love us. In the same way, it is right to say we WANT to love, not cause we HAVE to. Being a boyfriend, it's not about the flowery feeling of having a girlfriend, or that excitement you get when you hug each other etc. All that is just the physical part of love. Love goes in so much deeper. It drives us to be better; not cause we HAVE to, but because we WANT to. Am I making any sense here?

I'm gonna use myself as an example ('again about himself' my mum would say). I used to be a very impatient person. I wouldn't say I'm not kind but there are times I can be a really mean a-hole. I easily get jealous over everything, not just about my dearest love but with my own siblings as well. To summarize, I was nearly the opposite from all the characteristics of love in the verse mentioned. Fast forward many many years later (plus minus a few girlfriends who were deadweight in my life), some of my friends have affirmed that I've become a different person. My patience has improved alot (I think) basically because I try to entertain my dear when she's moody or cranky or having a rough time or whatever reason you can think off to try my patience in a relationship. Jealousy is an area I still work on every single day but I believe that it is within my control now (it was uncontrollable when I was a wee lad). My temper comes and goes occasionally, but I've learnt alot about  self-control being with her. I'm still working on alot of areas that I'm weak in but I'm not getting tired. I don't have to be. Cause I want to be better. For God, for my family, for her, and for myself. It's not compulsory. Rather it's a choice. We all have that choice to make.

"Jesus, thank you for loving me cause You chose to love me. Teach me to love like You, unconditional and cause I want to love. Teach me to love with a cheerful heart and not one that is burdened to for Your love is generous. Amen."

Teh Tarik lah Bruder...

nothing like a good teh tarik at the mamak

There's nothing like going to the local mamak for a good cup of teh tarik (pulled tea for those that don't understand the "royal language" of good ol' Malaysia). Coming from the land where nasi kandar is ever abundant, I do enjoy my teh tarik after a good mamak meal.
So I was out last night with my two friends, Emmanuel and Danison @ Chen Chen at the local mamak in the area. As usual, teh tarik for me, Chen followed suit while Emmanuel opted for the regular "non-pulled" tea. After placing our orders, we went along our usual routine of cracking some funny story to tell. Few minutes later, our macha came with out drinks. We were expecting 2 bubbly-foamed cups and one, 2-layered cup of tea. But no. We got three cups of that 2-layered tea. So all three of us looked at each other in a weird way and double and triple confirmed that it was 2 teh tarik and 1 teh panas. So we flagged the macha and made our small complaint;


Daniel and Emmanuel: Macha, 2 teh tarik ni deh.
Indian Macha: Teh tarik ah? Ok.
(stirs the 2 cups meant for me and Chen while smiling all the way)
Daniel: Macha, mau tarik lah ni!!! Bukan bancuh!!!


So in the end, the dude eventually took the two cups back and pulled it for Chen and myself. This is my first encounter with a mamak that kinda refused to pull my tea. Is it such a burden to pull the tea? Goodness. Even if the bloody tv program which was showing that night was so entertaining for you (it wasn't for the three of us btw) have the bloody courtesy to give customer satisfaction and not smile and act like you can get away with not pulling the tea!!!  

there is a reason to why we call it "teh tarik"...

and plain ol' "teh panas". Get the difference?

"I get the difference boss. I stir and all look the same"

Indulgence in Hell...

oh, piss off!!!

I love eating. Who doesn't? Even the good Lord invited us to feast with him (go check John 21:12, Matthew 22:2). With that. He made so many talented and ingenious people to prepare banquets for us on Earth, just to give us (more like the ones with deep pockets) a glimpse of what banquets in Heaven would be. Now, I did NOT take a course in the culinary arts. Rather, I indulge watching other people do so. Let me correct that last sentence. I indulge in watching cooking shows so that I can learn how to cook on my own (my mum's eyebrows would be raised if she reads this) and hopefully impress some girl to show that I'm not that useless hopeless blur in the kitchen department. 

My endeavor into the culinary arts comes in the form of Sir (sorry, not knighted yet) Gordon Ramsay. Most would know him as the foul-mouthed bugger who hosts Hell's Kitchen, The F Word, Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares and the most recent Masterchef U.S., with the latter and Hell's Kitchen being my personal favorites. 

First of all, yes he's a foul-mouthed a-hole. Couldn't agree more. But then again, he's a foul-mouthed Scot who has earned 12 Michelin stars to date (for those who do not know what a Michelin star is, it's equivalent to an Oscar or Golden Globe award for chefs). He's known worldwide for his high standards and  scrumptious cuisines. Just watching the contestants prepare his famous beef wellingtons is enough to make my mouth water and get me out of the chair to look for anything equivalent to that (usually. it ends with me just finding snacks). He yells, he cusses, he screams at contestants in every season of Hell's Kitchen. Sometimes to the point his voice even breaks. But it's all due to the high standards he practices and upholds in  the kitchen. People may argue "why does he need to be like that?" and what not. A friend of mine who took a course in this field replied by saying that this IS the atmosphere in a fine dining kitchen. Chefs all around have to constantly make sure that the standards of the food prepared are maintained under all circumstances.

some people are just plain hard to work with

some just need to get screwed with Gordon to buck up

in the end, some people were meant to be great

I enjoy Hell's Kitchen cause it also brings out the very nature of a person. On Monday, I finished watching the entire 9th season of Hell's Kitchen. There were very interesting contestants in that season indeed. Some where indeed talented and deserved to win the competition. Some were just so arrogant and bossy that you'd wish Gordon would just kick her (it's a girl. No pun intended to girls ya) out. And then there were some that were just plain dumb and blur. Mr. Ramsay does push people to the limit. But it is only because that this will strive them to bring out the better part of themselves. My grandmother doesn't understand why I enjoy the series so much (heck, I even played a game based on it, which included the foul-mouthed bugger). Indeed, it's about the food. But then again, it really shows you the different type of people that walk the face of the Earth and how we would have to deal with someone like this one fine day. I'll just leave you with a quote from the man himself from an interview with the local newspaper in UK;

"I maintain standards and I strive for perfection. That level of pressure is conveyed in a very bullish way and that's what cooking is all about." 

The Evolution of Batman...

I can be considered (and consider myself) a movie geek and a comic geek to some extent. With the prices of comics soaring like Superman, I'm not the avid comic book collector... But I do update myself once in awhile with the past and current events in the comic book universe.
In saying that, I've noticed the evolution of one iconic comic book character throughout the decades (not years mind you). Batman has been one of my favorite comic book heroes from DC Comics. Dark and gloomy, the Dark Knight really has been one of my favorite, heck, even my only favorite DC Comic hero.But there was a time when the dark and moody hero wasn't that dark and gloomy...
I was chilling with a friend of mine at the local mamak after a heavy night of gaming at the cyber cafe and decided to just watch what was on tv that night. To our surprise, amusement and delight (to some extent), TV2 was showing the old Batman & Robin series. Not the one with George Clooney and Chris O' Donnel. The one with Adam West as the Caped Crusader. I do believe that i did watch this series back when I was still drinking milk from the bottle (didn't realise my memory was that good ;p). Fast forward 20 or so years later, and I cannot understand how people at that time could watch a series like this. Here's why;

1. The dialogue was lousy and corny. Example: Batman & Robin discuss matters right in front of the street in public. 
2. The acting was lame and horendous. Example: Batman runs aimlessly like a frantic lunatic trying to throw a bomb which doesn't seem to go off in broad daylight when he is supposed to have a whole arsenal of gadgets with him.
3. The story and even the logicness to it doesn't add up. Example: Penguin fires knockout gas at the guard. The smoke doesn't even touch the guard one bit, rather, it was heading for the Penguin.

I really must applaud the script writers of that era. No wonder the series lasted for 2 years only. Oh well, at least there was Chris Nolan's version of the Dark Knight that boosted everyone's interest in the Caped Crusader again.

So here's the evolution of Batman in the media;

non-muscular Batman with weird mask and patched-on horns... and a rather gay-looking partner

"This suit is really hot and rubbery!" Batman goes rubber...

They don't make cartoons like they used to...

The era where Batman (and Robin) got tits on their suits...

I'm Batman!!!

Have You Met Her?

Have you met her? The girl which I blogged about? (For those that have short-term memory lost, kindly refer to the second post of this blog). 
She's my girlfriend. Yes, I have a girlfriend (sorry ladies, I'm taken). I met her back in my uni days, when I was finishing my first year there. More of an acquaintance at first, I slowly got to know her more and found out that I really did like her. Not for the looks (looks do count okay, but there's more to girls than just looks), bu for her personality. I realized I actually enjoyed talking to her and actually listening to her... her family members back home, her friends, her worries and problems in life... So yeah, we got together after some time (for the events that happened during that time frame, i will try to find where I placed those memories... it's a long long story).
I've been with her officially for 10 months (and 5 days to be exact)... it's been one fascinating and enjoyable 10 months, even though there were some really long and loud arguments (and boy were they loud). But I still love her. I've come to grow to love her so much more since we met. She knows my weaknesses and my faults (even lectured me and keep tabs on me), and I know hers as well. Nobody's perfect, but she strives me to brings the best of myself out and vice versa. She's willing to put up with me when I'm in my mood swings as I do for her when she's getting restless and impatient on things. But the best part is, we just love sharing about the things we like. I'm such a movie geek, a comic book geek, a game freak, football kaki and lots more ( I think). But she's really patient when it comes to that. She's even willing to listen to me ramble about the history of Wolverine, Spider-Man, Iron Man and the Avengers! She on the other hand, loves literature. So many times has she described all the famous authors to me. From the Bronte sisters to... to... uhh... oh no... ahh! Tolkkien! I'm still willing to listen and learn from her. Even Korean television shows. I thought they were noisy and stuff and always wondered why she laughs so hard. So I gave it a try and waddayano... it is entertaining.
I still have lots to talk about her, but I'll stop here. So... Have you met her?

no, thats not her... it's just a figment of men's imagination...

there she is... taking a picture of you...

happy man with smiling beauty...

I Feel Like A Monster...

We were all made in the image of God. But sin came, and led us down a path of destruction. Not the destruction of God, but the destruction of ourselves. I admit that I am a sinner. I'm no perfect guy, let me tell you. I have addictions that always seem to take hold on me, till I at times, I don't even recognize myself anymore. I struggle to find the root of all my sins till at times I just wanna give up. I know I can't do this on my own. I remembered feeling how God can still forgive me, and all of us, day after day for the sins we've committed. And I wondered to myself; "If I was God, I would hate myself". 
Sin makes us all monsters It festers right under our skin. If we give in to it, slowly, we begin to lose ourselves to it until we really are monsters. One example I can think of is Ted Bundy. A horrific example of a monster. So here's a song about sin for you all (lyrics included). 

VERSE 1:

The secret side of me, I never let you see
I keep it caged but I can't control it
So stay away from me, the beast is ugly
I feel the rage and I just can't hold it

It's scratching on the walls, in the closet, in the halls
It comes awake and I can't control it
Hiding under the bed, in my body, in my head
Why won't somebody come and save me from this, make it end?

CHORUS:
I feel it deep within, it's just beneath the skin
I must confess that I feel like a monster
I hate what I've become, the nightmare's just begun
I must confess that I feel like a monster

I, I feel like a monster
I, I feel like a monster

VERSE 2:

My secret side I keep hid under lock and key
I keep it caged but I can't control it
'Cause if I let him out he'll tear me up, break me down
Why won't somebody come and save me from this, make it end?

BRIDGE:

It's hiding in the dark, it's teeth are razor sharp
There's no escape for me, it wants my soul, it wants my heart
No one can hear me scream, maybe it's just a dream
Maybe it's inside of me, stop this monster

  
"God, help us to fight the monster within us. With You, all things are possible."

A Beautiful Contract...

a wonderful long conversation with some good friends of mine at office led me to writing this post which will affirm the numerous people that have, and are, like a second family to me since my departure for pastures new back in 2008...
Dulu-dulu... back in 2008, I had just started my journey with the High Almighty Dude Up in Heaven... Was serving alot in ministry and in church till I became a prodigal son at times to my parents. Then came the day where I went to further my studies in the kingdom known as University so that i don't end up being short of knowledge and to land a decent job in the future (hopefully). Yes, I was sad that I was gonna leave that small little island I called home for 20 years in my life, but it was also an exciting start to a brand new chapter in life. To cut to the chase, I got involved with the campus ministry in the aforementioned kingdom of "Universiti M'sia Sabah" @ UMS. Ended up even becoming one of the leaders to serve and reach out to other Catholic students in campus, all the more at the same time deepening my faith in Him.
It's been 3 years since my fateful joining of that ministry. And I quote my friend from this morning's sharing: "You join this ministry it's like signing a contract; a contract for long-lasting friends that walk with you through every difficult and joyful moment". When I signed this contract, He guaranteed me wonderful people with the likes of Mary Anne Balthazar, Brenda, Suh, Ester, Joannes, Jillian, Yvonne, Sharon, Emmanuel, Ambrose, Valerie, Debbie and not forgetting introducing me to my current love, Patricia.
Let me just take this opportunity to sincerely thank the people mentioned for your love, support, guidance, affirmations, yellings etc. as it really has made be become a better person.


LIFEFIRE FOREVER!!!

Diner Dash Addiction!!!

Funny how the simplest games can turn one into an addict.... For instance; I was rummaging through my friend's external drive an came upon her games folder (Handel's Messiah chorus ringing in my ears). And so I took a few games to past my time in my room or in the office when my bosses have left... And lo and behold; I have become an addict to one of the simplest games. Diner Dash.

a game where you aspire to be a waitress... not a restaurateur...

I have played this game before on the PSP back home... but playing the PC version just feels different... Harder or easier, I'm not sure. But look, games are supposed to de-stress you, not add to your misery. And that is what in fact Diner Dash does. It makes you play this girl who dreams of becoming a waitress in some fancy cartoon-ish restaurant/s. Wonder why would she want a job like that in the first place. So I have to serve these obnoxious customers who, in the later levels demand nearly everything on u. Appetizers, taking their orders, cleaning up after giving them their check... And it's just ONE waiter! One!


Haih... I know I'm complaining... and others would tell me to just stop playing. But don't you ever have that urge to just get it over with so that you can breath a sigh of relief? Play First (the producer of this crazy game) seriously invested their time and abilities in creating a game that they know will be a pure addiction to anyone who plays it... And i'm one of the victims (though i'm not to sure if my better half was or is).


"What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death?" (Rom 7:24) 
*In this context, it'll be "Who will rescue me from this game of death?"

Common misconceptions of me...

I am a Malaysian chinese... but being that also can often lead to some common misconceptions about myself... For instance, I don't really look that chinese-ish... I've got thick eyebrows, a huge nose (i don't know who else to compare with), eyes which can give a really good stare as compared to the slit-like eyes whereby i can't even see their pupils, and to top it off, i don't speak the main native tongue of the glorious chinese; mandarin (although i do have some hokkien knowledge, but i guess its not enough to escape people from calling me a banana). To add to my already mis-conceptive features, even my race also has been misconceived when i sailed flew to Sabah 3 years ago.


Misconception no. 1: I am NOT a Sino-Kadazan.
Misconception no.2: I am NOT from Penampang or any part of Sabah.
Misconception no. 3: I have already finished my degree studies (for those whom I closely associate with in uni)
Misconception no.4: I was assumed to be graduate or a final year student when i had just entered my 2nd month in Sabah.


I'm not being racist, but sometimes I wonder if I was meant to be in Sabah or was there some genetic mix up when I was conceived? (sorry mum and dad) Either that or really Sabah was in my blood from the start...

The meaning of the name Patricia

As the title suggests, yes, the love of my life other than the mighty Thor God and my family, is Patricia (full name not enclosed). I'll blog about how i met her next time (if i have the strength and time and memory, no wait, i have all of that). Anyways, was out from the youth center today to "bodyguard" my colleague so that she doesn't freak out if she gets lost using public transport and ended up at the Good Shepherd Convent to wait for our superiors to finish their meeting. So being the humble sisters of the Good Shepherd, they offered their warm hospitality to us and so we decided for a late morning brunch which consists of milo and biscuits. Which brings me to the title of this post. I saw this writings on the cup i drank from and i quickly copied it down and saved it in my trusty handphone. So this is the meaning of the name Patricia;


meaning; noble

Your manner is noble

 and so dignified,

that when you give direction,

 others must abide;

The moment you speak it,

 Your word becomes law

For others regard you

 With reverent awe

Because in the eyes of all

 You highly rate,

The impression you leave

 Will be noble and great.

'Nuff said. That's why I love her. 

1st entry...

Hello to all fellow readers of this blog.... it's been awhile since i started my personal blog... if i'm not mistaken, this is my 3rd blog... the other 2 were hacked too much by people who "have a beef with me"... not too concerned bout it anyways so....


1st entry... what to write? I know! Lets write about myself! I'm a Christian dude, currently waiting to graduate from university with a degree in Conservation Biology (*crickets in the air). I'm a devout Catholic Christian, trying to live my life the way my Savior did... it's tough but it's fun and exciting at the same time as well... working as a contract staff at a youth center that holds so many fond memories... learning and enjoying working with young teens and youths in shaping their life and faith... ok, enough spiritualness for now... sucker for movies (would love to just watch movies everyday) and nearly all types of music; jazz, rock, classical (on n off), movie scores, trailer music, r&b, pop, etc etc etc... huge fan of Bon Jovi, Slash, Guns n Roses and love songs... so old fashion some might say but I DON'T CARE! I'm a loving dude.... which leads me to the next part of myself... I have a loving family back home in the Pearl of the Orient (those that don't know, google it up). 3 years ago I sailed  flew across the South China Sea to an island rich in biodiversity (it rhymes!). Anyways, i met a bunch, a huge bunch to be exact, of great people whom I hold dear to my heart... and then I met her as well... the girl i'm in love with for nearly 1 year now... 


ok... enough talk bout me... later some people might think i'm a self-absorbed dude... lots more to share, lots more to post, lots more to blog!