Resolutions

Resolution.

Definition: A firm decision to do or not do something.

Everyone makes resolutions for the New Year. Well, not everyone. Throughout the years, I’ve never been very successful in making resolutions. The same can be said in keeping the resolutions I make. Hence, my main resolution for 2013 is keeping the resolutions I make for 2013. Simple enough? Here’s my list of resolutions for 2013:

• Committing myself to the daily readings and prayer time.
•  Reading more books (fiction, sci-fi, thriller, self motivation etc.) and cutting down on thrash magazines (good bye FHM L), and cutting down on games and web surfing.
• Writing more in this blog.
• Maintaining a steady work-out schedule.
•  Cutting down on excessive eating (farewell supper and heavy dinners) to rid my flabby belly (yes, I’ve grown some flab).

5 simple resolutions to keep. But then again, these are resolutions. Not obligations. Maybe the first one is, but the rest? Yeah, I’m just giving more excuses to slack at this. Oh well. there’s always 2014. And 2015… etc. 

3 months of non-posting...

just realized I've not posted anything since May. 3 months. somehow, I always become lazy when it comes to posting things that come in my head. Plus, my office's internet connection is good. Oh well, better than abandoning it for years right?

Been busy with my career... have already entered my 5th month working with the company and it looks good so far. There were crazy and hectic moments, tired days where I'll just come back and sleep, days where I'll 'try' to tone my body (some people fancy six pack hunks like Thor or some South Korean artist - peer preasure =p). So at this very moment, I'm sneaking some time to fill my blog.

Have collected some jokes and laughs, went through some reflections in life and good ol' random stuff. Hoping this time, I stay consistent.

Bloggin again..

It’s been ages since I last blogged so I’m now making the effort to actually sit my butt down and start writing whatever that comes into my head again…. Gosh, where do I start? Usually in my previous (more like failed attempts) blogs, whenever I’m behind time, I just do a quick summary of the events that have passed but maybe I’ll take my time here.

Event 1: Graduation Day

Finally that moment arrived when I would be donning a robe that made me feel like I was in Hogwarts, a “hat” that felt and made me look weird, receiving a scroll which stated that I completed 3 years of “intense studying” to be certified as a Bachelor of Science, meeting up with friends that I’ve not met in months, meeting the love of my life again after months being apart and eventually making my parents proud. Yup. Graduation Day.

 Preparations were tiresome due to the fact that I was driving to and fro from my former work place to campus to settle my debts to the “Centre of Higher Education”, obtaining that “oh so famous convo package” which includes getting my dear beloved girlfirend’s one as well, making arrangements for renting a car to entertain my girlfriend and her sis (they came early to spend some time around KK town before the rest of the family came) and also my parents plus my sis @ the small brat (sorry Becs, just had to put the nickname in ;p). Bro couldn’t make it due to his focus on training to be a nurse but I’m fine with that. Just make sure that I make it for HIS graduation then.

So the same old procedure in every graduation… Long hours dressing up and making sure that we all look smart on our big day; sitting in the big hall waiting for our turn to go up and salute the “high and almighty” before getting a mock folder that is supposed to contain the magnificent scroll and the whole shindig. In the end, graduation day just flew by in a jiff. The day that we taught would never come when we were still studying. It came, it was fun, and it went.

*Oh, and I also got to meet her parents and nearly part of the family. A sign for things that are yet to come (I hope… and pray) =)

I’m a certified Bachelor of Science. Good or bad, I dunno…

Ma, Pa, Sis n the newly “ordained” Bachelor of Science…

Babe n me… we made it at last!

The whole gang (some are MIA but its ok) to celebrate…

One last burst of fun before heading off…

And hopefully, a sign for things to come =)

Last one for the road ;)

I Want To, Not Cuz I Have To...

Falling in love is easy. Being in love is a whole different matter. I've been through some rather messed up relationships with women. Now this would probably make me an "experienced" man right? WRONG! Love is such a complex matter. It's not difficult, but it is complex. Til now, I'm still learning how to love. Love my family, love my friends, love that special person. 

1 Corinthians 13: 4-7 states:

"Love is patient, love is kind. It is not jealous, [love] is not pompous, it is not inflated, it is not rude, it is not quick-tempered, it does not brood over injury, it does not rejoice over wrongdoing but rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things."

This verse has always been my foundation for love. Cause this is how God loves us. Cause He chooses to, not because He has to. He does not have to love us. He chooses to love us. In the same way, it is right to say we WANT to love, not cause we HAVE to. Being a boyfriend, it's not about the flowery feeling of having a girlfriend, or that excitement you get when you hug each other etc. All that is just the physical part of love. Love goes in so much deeper. It drives us to be better; not cause we HAVE to, but because we WANT to. Am I making any sense here?

I'm gonna use myself as an example ('again about himself' my mum would say). I used to be a very impatient person. I wouldn't say I'm not kind but there are times I can be a really mean a-hole. I easily get jealous over everything, not just about my dearest love but with my own siblings as well. To summarize, I was nearly the opposite from all the characteristics of love in the verse mentioned. Fast forward many many years later (plus minus a few girlfriends who were deadweight in my life), some of my friends have affirmed that I've become a different person. My patience has improved alot (I think) basically because I try to entertain my dear when she's moody or cranky or having a rough time or whatever reason you can think off to try my patience in a relationship. Jealousy is an area I still work on every single day but I believe that it is within my control now (it was uncontrollable when I was a wee lad). My temper comes and goes occasionally, but I've learnt alot about  self-control being with her. I'm still working on alot of areas that I'm weak in but I'm not getting tired. I don't have to be. Cause I want to be better. For God, for my family, for her, and for myself. It's not compulsory. Rather it's a choice. We all have that choice to make.

"Jesus, thank you for loving me cause You chose to love me. Teach me to love like You, unconditional and cause I want to love. Teach me to love with a cheerful heart and not one that is burdened to for Your love is generous. Amen."

I Feel Like A Monster...

We were all made in the image of God. But sin came, and led us down a path of destruction. Not the destruction of God, but the destruction of ourselves. I admit that I am a sinner. I'm no perfect guy, let me tell you. I have addictions that always seem to take hold on me, till I at times, I don't even recognize myself anymore. I struggle to find the root of all my sins till at times I just wanna give up. I know I can't do this on my own. I remembered feeling how God can still forgive me, and all of us, day after day for the sins we've committed. And I wondered to myself; "If I was God, I would hate myself". 
Sin makes us all monsters It festers right under our skin. If we give in to it, slowly, we begin to lose ourselves to it until we really are monsters. One example I can think of is Ted Bundy. A horrific example of a monster. So here's a song about sin for you all (lyrics included). 

VERSE 1:

The secret side of me, I never let you see
I keep it caged but I can't control it
So stay away from me, the beast is ugly
I feel the rage and I just can't hold it

It's scratching on the walls, in the closet, in the halls
It comes awake and I can't control it
Hiding under the bed, in my body, in my head
Why won't somebody come and save me from this, make it end?

CHORUS:
I feel it deep within, it's just beneath the skin
I must confess that I feel like a monster
I hate what I've become, the nightmare's just begun
I must confess that I feel like a monster

I, I feel like a monster
I, I feel like a monster

VERSE 2:

My secret side I keep hid under lock and key
I keep it caged but I can't control it
'Cause if I let him out he'll tear me up, break me down
Why won't somebody come and save me from this, make it end?

BRIDGE:

It's hiding in the dark, it's teeth are razor sharp
There's no escape for me, it wants my soul, it wants my heart
No one can hear me scream, maybe it's just a dream
Maybe it's inside of me, stop this monster

  
"God, help us to fight the monster within us. With You, all things are possible."

Common misconceptions of me...

I am a Malaysian chinese... but being that also can often lead to some common misconceptions about myself... For instance, I don't really look that chinese-ish... I've got thick eyebrows, a huge nose (i don't know who else to compare with), eyes which can give a really good stare as compared to the slit-like eyes whereby i can't even see their pupils, and to top it off, i don't speak the main native tongue of the glorious chinese; mandarin (although i do have some hokkien knowledge, but i guess its not enough to escape people from calling me a banana). To add to my already mis-conceptive features, even my race also has been misconceived when i sailed flew to Sabah 3 years ago.


Misconception no. 1: I am NOT a Sino-Kadazan.
Misconception no.2: I am NOT from Penampang or any part of Sabah.
Misconception no. 3: I have already finished my degree studies (for those whom I closely associate with in uni)
Misconception no.4: I was assumed to be graduate or a final year student when i had just entered my 2nd month in Sabah.


I'm not being racist, but sometimes I wonder if I was meant to be in Sabah or was there some genetic mix up when I was conceived? (sorry mum and dad) Either that or really Sabah was in my blood from the start...